when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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