I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
