also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
