Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
