hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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