Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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