Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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