Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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