she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
