Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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