mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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