hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Porn is love you can see.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
