I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
