White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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