Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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