take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize