dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
