he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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