I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
