You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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