I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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