how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
