This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
