We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
