woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
