it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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