Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize