you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you inspire me to be a worse person
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
