Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
