White coat. Heels.
You're my little dorito
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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