he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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