what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
