Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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