The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
