mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
