In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
