Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
