so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
