Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
