the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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