Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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