so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize