i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
