THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
