She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
