Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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