so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
