READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
