I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
