I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
