And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
