There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
