im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize