did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize