So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
