Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
