4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
