Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
