Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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