Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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