Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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