Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
