I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
