i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
His nipple licking is glorious
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