Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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