i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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