Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
