I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
