Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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