Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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