My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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