after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
