I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
