I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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