Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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