He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
