Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
