1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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