I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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