Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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