Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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