she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
