he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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