My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
