There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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