Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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