Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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