we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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