My liver just broke up with me...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
