i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
