And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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