I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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