Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
