Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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