no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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