Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
