I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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